Preparing for Parenthood: Managing Discomfort, Stress and Fear During a Multiple-Birth Pregnancy

In this episode, I explore the often-overlooked emotional aspect of multiple-birth pregnancies. Many expectant mothers experience a range of fears and worries, from concerns about pregnancy complications to feelings of grief and loss. Despite the prevalence of these emotions, few professionals address the emotional well-being of expectant mothers, leaving many feeling isolated and misunderstood.

To address the emotional challenges of pregnancy, I discuss various relaxation techniques, including deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and guided imagery. These practices have been shown to reduce stress levels, improve sleep quality, and promote overall well-being. I also introduce the Breathe Easy program, a novel approach to relaxation designed specifically for pregnant mothers of multiples.

Click here to out more about the Breathe Easy program:

https://www.fiercekindmama.com/tapping

Thanks for listening! If you are a soon-to-be or current parent of multiples, be sure to head over to my website http://www.fiercekindmama.com to get my FREE resources designed specifically for you!

Be sure to follow me on Instagram and Facebook too.

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Transcript

"Preparing for Parenthood: Managing Discomfort, Stress and Fear During a Multiple-Birth Pregnancy"

Dr Cristina Cavezza

Welcome to the Fierce Kind Mama of Multiples podcast. This podcast is for anyone raising multiples, twins, triplets or more. I speak to inspiring parents of multiples who have healed from unexpected pregnancies and birthing experiences and who candidly share the highs and lows of raising multiples.

I also speak to the professionals that work with multiple birth families.

Together we cover the practicalities of raising more than one baby at a time, as well as enhancing the emotional wellbeing of caregivers and children alike.

Come join us as we laugh, cry and share our personal and professional wisdom on all things multiples. I'm your host Dr Cristina Cavezza, and I am a Fierce Kind Mama of Multiples.
 
 Welcome to today’s show. I thought for today’s episode it might be worth extending on a brief episode I released in Season 2. I believe it was episode 4 where I spoke about the emotional wellbeing of expectant mothers which I feel is often overlooked. We spend a lot of time focusing on whether the babies are growing and are healthy and, in my opinion, very few people spend enough time on looking after their emotional wellbeing in pregnancy. And as I said in that episode not a lot of the professionals that women pregnant with multiples come into contact with are concerned with that aspect of the expectant mother. Many expectant mothers are not routinely asked about how they feel about becoming a mother to multiples even though most multiple-birth pregnancies are unexpected and sometimes unwanted at least initially. 

So, in today’s episode, I am going to first outline some of the common fears and worries that you might have if you are pregnant with multiples. My intention is not to make you more scared or worried but rather to name the real challenges you are experiencing. By giving voice to the difficulties you may be facing, my hope is that you feel heard and understood. I also want you to have permission to honour your feelings, even if they are negative, particularly if others have made you feel like there is something wrong with you for feeling this way. 

I then want to move on to what the research says about how we can manage stress and worry in pregnancy so that hopefully, you feel more prepared for the amazing journey that lies ahead. 

But before we get started, I wanted to remind you know about a free resource I have available for those of you who are pregnant with multiples. 

If you want to learn more about how to be fully prepared for your multiple birth journey, then this guide is for you. In this guide, I take a holistic approach to help you prepare physically, financially, and emotionally. 

And if you know anyone else who is pregnant with multiples, please tell them to head over to my website: www.fiercekindmama.com 

And click on the free resources tab. 

The link is also available in the podcast show notes.

So, let’s dive in and briefly talk about why it is so common for mothers of multiples to experience a roller coaster of emotions during their pregnancy. 

We know that the risks increase in a multiple-birth pregnancy. Depending on the types of multiples you are having, you may be heavily monitored, meaning you might have to present at hospital fairly regularly for scans. I know that I’ve shared stories on this podcast before, including my own, where babies sharing a placenta will often need to be monitored more frequently for twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. But there are certainly many other complications that sadly happen in multiple-birth pregnancies that can make the whole experience rather scary or uncomfortable. Women pregnant with more than one baby are at greater risk of virtually all pregnancy complications. These can range in severity from the more common things we hear about like nausea, vomiting, leg cramps, heartburn, tiredness, constipation all of which occur more frequently in multiple birth pregnancies. And then there are the more life-threatening complications that we also see more frequently in multiple-birth pregnancies, such as pre-eclampsia, HELLP syndrome, premature birth and I’ve already talked about twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. 

Anaemia, bleeding, high blood pressure, diabetes all occur roughly 2 to 3 times more frequently in twin pregnancies and even higher in triplet or higher-order multiple pregnancies. 

The rate of babies dying during pregnancy or in the first month after delivery is at least three times higher in twins and even higher again in triplet pregnancies. 

And that experience of knowing that your pregnancy is considered high-risk, of waiting for test results, of praying and hoping that everything will be ok and knowing that a lot of it is really outside of your control. In other words, many of the complications I listed earlier have very little, if anything, to do with you the pregnant mother. You simply cannot guarantee a specific outcome. You can certainly make informed choices and do your best to remain as healthy as you can but a lot of what happens is outside of your control and that can feel really, really scary. 

And I also want to acknowledge here that we often don’t speak about the grief that we as mothers of multiples experience when we first find out we are having more than one baby. You may have had an image in your mind of how the pregnancy would be. Maybe you wanted to give your son or daughter a sibling and complete your family and now you find out you are having twins or triplets. And so your pregnancy journey begins with a loss – not a physical loss- but a loss of an imagined relationship with the one baby you wanted, not the two or three or more that you are told are growing inside of you. 

And beyond the physical complications, you may have other worries. You may be worried about how you are going to cope mentally, logistically, and financially when you find out you now have more than one baby to care for and grow. Many of us, myself included, are parenting with very limited extended family support so we can feel particularly alone and isolated in our parenting journey.  

And if that weren’t enough, depending how far along you are, you might be in intense physical discomfort, you might be tired, unable to sleep well and simply over it. I hear from so many pregnant mothers of multiples that say some version of “I don’t know how much more of this pregnancy I can take..I just want this to be over.”

Wow. I need to pause here because even listing out all of these potential complications and difficulties..it’s a lot…I am not sure how you are feeling right now but for me, I had my twins about 8 years ago now and when I revisit these common fears and concerns that I had too, I can still feel an effect. I remember how that worry and fear felt and how it affected my ability to enjoy the pregnancy. So, if you are feeling at all on edge, please take a deep breath here and do whatever you need to do to get as comfortable as you can in this moment because we are going to move on to talk about strategies for alleviating the discomfort and easing some of that stress, fear and overwhelm. 

I want to highlight here one real positive and that is that calmness during pregnancy can increase the chances of a safe and healthy delivery even if your babies are exposed to stress pre-natally. And by stress here I mean a potential physical complication that you have no control over. But what you do have more control over is learning ways of remaining calm even if part of you is frightened. 

And the techniques that I will summarise here have been shown to reduce stress levels and promote improved health in pregnant women. 

Let’s take a closer look at some of these techniques and their benefits. Here, I am specifically talking about relaxation strategies, such as breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation and guided imagery. 

Breathing exercises often involve some form of deep diaphragmatic breathing. Research has shown that breathing exercises during pregnancy is associated with a reduction in the rates of premature birth and caesarean delivery and an increase in birth weight. Some studies have shown that breathing control techniques may even be effective in reducing blood pressure in hypertensive disorders in pregnancy. 

Studies have also shown that combining breathing techniques with progressive muscle relaxation can enhance the psychological state of pregnant women. Progressive muscle relaxation typically involves contracting and relaxing selected groups of muscles for a specified amount of time. We might start by asking you to contract and then relax your facial muscles and work progressively through each body part all the way down the body to the feet. Studies have shown that pregnant woman who are taught progressive muscle relaxation and controlled breathing report feeling less stressed and more in control. Some studies have also shown that these techniques can improve sleep quality during pregnancy. 

Moving on to guided imagery exercises. Such techniques often involve listening to someone else’s voice and prompts and focusing on positive images in your mind that aim to help you relax, feel less pain, discomfort, and stress. Research has shown that guided imagery in pregnancy can help reduce the severity of pregnancy nausea and vomiting. The use of guided imagery techniques in pregnancy seems to have a positive effect on the levels of stress and anxiety in the expectant mother and appear to promote improved health overall. 

The benefits of techniques like the ones I’ve mentioned so far include the fact that they are relatively cheap to administer, you don’t need a lot of fancy equipment, you often don’t have to leave your home to do it, you don’t need a prescription, it usually doesn’t have any adverse side effects and it often doesn’t take a lot of time or energy to complete these exercises. 

But as I’ve already alluded to there seem to be a number of positive outcomes when pregnant women engage in relaxation exercises like the ones as I’ve described here. I’m going to summarise seven benefits to relaxation exercises in pregnancy, some of which I’ve already highlighted but I’ll expand upon briefly for you.  

Hi there Fierce Kind Mama

Sorry to interrupt the discussion but I have something to share with you that I know you are going to love.

We are often told that parenting can be hard. 

And whether you are soon-to-be or current parent of multiples, there is going to come a time when you will probably feel stressed, overwhelmed, or even worried about the future.

That’s why I’ve developed a free guide for parents just like you with my 5 top tips for handling stress and overwhelm.  

You can download it now from my website www.fiercekindmama.com

First, guided relaxation techniques seem to reduce stress. 

Pregnancy can be a time of heightened stress and anxiety due to physical discomfort, hormonal changes, and the anticipation of childbirth. Guided relaxation exercises help to reduce stress levels by promoting deep relaxation and calming the nervous system.

Second, these exercises might improve your sleep quality.  Many pregnant women experience difficulty sleeping due to discomfort, hormonal changes, and racing thoughts. Guided relaxation exercises can help promote better sleep by inducing a state of relaxation and easing tension in the body.

Third, many women report a reduction in the severity of pain and discomfort they experience after practicing relaxation exercises. Unfortunately, pregnancy-related discomfort such as back pain and pelvic pain are common in multiple-birth pregnancies. But the good news is that the muscle tension and pain can sometimes be alleviated through guided relaxation techniques. By promoting relaxation and releasing tension in the body, these exercises can provide relief from physical discomfort.

Fourth, guided relaxation exercises have been shown to help lower blood pressure by inducing relaxation and reducing stress levels. This is really important because pregnancy-induced hypertension or high blood pressure can pose risks to both you and your babies. 

Moving on to the fifth key benefit which relates to emotional wellbeing. I’ve already highlighted how being pregnant with multiples can bring about a range of emotions, sometimes mixed emotions, including excitement, anxiety, disappointment, or fear. We know from the research more broadly that guided relaxation exercises can often promote emotional wellbeing providing a space for self-care, mindfulness, and emotional processing. 

Number six is bonding with your babies. Practicing relaxation techniques during pregnancy may help facilitate a calm and nurturing environment for both you the pregnant mother and your babies. When you focus on your body and breath through a relaxation exercise or a guided imagery technique, you naturally become more present and aware of what’s happening inside of you. You begin to attune to your babies’ movements, and this can help strengthen the bond between you and your babies, promoting feelings of connection and security.

And finally, learning relaxation techniques during pregnancy can be beneficial for coping with labour and birth. It’s quite normal for women to be concerned with how they are going to birth their babies. They may worry about the pain and anxiety of delivering more than one baby. If they are having a caesarean, they might worry about the recovery process or even about having all the medical professionals in the room. But by practicing relaxation exercises regularly, you can develop coping strategies for managing the pain and anxiety that can happen in the lead up as well as during childbirth.

Now, I don’t know what your experience has been like, but I know for myself and for many of the mothers I’ve spoken with, they aren’t necessarily encouraged to seek out or practice relaxation exercises as part of their standard care. In fact, if I think about my own experience where I saw numerous obstetricians and was pretty much at the hospital every week having scans and being monitored, no one mentioned using relaxation exercises as a way of managing my pregnancy and the associated discomfort.

I did share my fears and feelings with the doctors from time to time and I was listened to and validated. I was told that my concerns were valid as I was having a high-risk pregnancy but interestingly no one suggested trying a relaxation exercise like the ones I’ve discussed. And I’m not really sure why that is. I suspect it’s because guided relaxation exercises typically lie more in the realm of psychology, counselling, self-help and that kind of thing and that wasn’t necessarily an obstetrician’s area of expertise. 

And so I think sometimes it becomes one of those things that you have to go looking for and the problem with that is you might not know you need it or you might not realise how it can help you. 

But I hope if you’ve made it this far that I’ve been able to paint enough of a compelling picture for you of the potential benefits of using relaxation methods during pregnancy and beyond. 

Now, you might be wondering where do I go for more information or for guidance on how to use some of these relaxation methods. 

The first thing I’ll say there is you can easily incorporate relaxation methods into your daily routine even if you don’t feel well, don’t have a lot of energy, or are really busy. Because as I mentioned before, most people are able to find methods that don’t have to take up a lot of time and that can be done from the convenience of home or even when you are out and about. 

In fact, when I think about it now, a great time to practice your breathing exercises might be while you are waiting for a scan or other pregnancy-related medical appointment. You might like to practice a guided imagery technique while your lying in bed trying to fall asleep. There are plenty of opportunities throughout the day where we can fit in a few moments of relaxation. 

Many of you might not know where to start or how to do it and you might like some support in learning these techniques. I do think there is a lot of benefit in practical instruction because the research shows that when we are stressed, we tend to breathe through our upper chest rather than use our diaphragm. Unfortunately, shallow breathing tends to worsen feelings of anxiety. When we can learn to control our breathing and use our diaphragm, we see a number of physiological changes in the body, including lowered blood pressure and heart rate, less stress hormones in our body, reduced lactic-acid build up in our muscle tissue, more balanced levels of carbon dioxide and oxygen in the blood, our immune system functioning improves, we have more physical energy and we tend to feel better and calmer. 

Controlling the breath is often an important part of some practices, including yoga, tai chi, and various forms of meditation. But if you are pregnant, you should check with your medical practitioner before you try any physical movement. 

If you are listening to this and you are thinking you could benefit from learning a relaxation exercise to help you in pregnancy, then you might like to check out my program called Breathe Easy. It was designed specifically for pregnant mothers of multiples. It includes a roughly 30-minute video where I present the technique and give you a bit of background information and then I guide you through the relaxation exercise. It’s super affordable and it’s something you can do long after the pregnancy ends, because let’s face it…the stress doesn’t end once the pregnancy does. 

In fact, it’s a technique that I like using on myself regularly because I find it has a calming effect and even though I’m long past being pregnant, I obviously experience other stressors and it’s an exercise I keep coming back to you because it’s easy to implement. And once you learn the technique, you have it for life. It is something you can come back to again and again without the need to spend the time or the money for that matter travelling to a clinic or a class and paying an instructor each visit for their expertise and time. 

If you are currently pregnant with multiples and you are experiencing any discomfort or pain, nausea, vomiting, fatigue, difficulty sleeping - or maybe you are stressed or fearful about the birth or how you’ll cope when the babies arrive – then I encourage you to check out my program Breathe Easy. 

Some of the key benefits of this program are that it offers you a guided relaxation technique that can help alleviate any discomfort and pain you are experiencing, allowing you to feel more comfortable and at ease.

By practicing the relaxation exercise, you may experience better sleep quality and overall well-being, reducing feelings of fatigue and enhancing your ability to cope with everyday activities.

The program provides a tool for managing stress and promoting emotional well-being, helping you to feel calmer and more prepared for the challenges of pregnancy and becoming a parent of multiples.

And finally, by learning a technique to manage any fears or worries about childbirth and parenting, you may gain confidence in your ability to cope and care for your babies.

So, if you are ready to experience a more serene and comfortable pregnancy journey, then I invite you to head over to my website to check out the Breathe Easy program. You will find it at www.fiercekindmama.com

Click on the Services tab and scroll down to the Breathe Easy Program. 

I’ll pop the link into the show notes for you too and as always, if you have any questions, feel free to get in touch with me via my website fiercekindmama.com

Thanks for listening to today's episode. If you'd like what you've heard, then please follow and leave a review so that other expectant and current parents of multiples like yourself can find this podcast and the valuable information it contains. I'd be so very grateful if you left a review and shared this with anyone you think could benefit from listening. If you have a particular topic you'd like me to cover on this podcast, feel free to reach out to me via my website: www.fiercekindmama.com 

New episodes are released every second Wednesday, so we’ll see you back here real soon. 

Any advice and information in this podcast is general only and has been prepared without taking into account your particular circumstances and needs. For tailored individualised advice, please consult with a qualified professional.